Duke Fabulous Reporting

As my deddy likes too say, I ain't never seen the beet. At least that's what it always sounded like. Any-THEE-howw how I was I say I was out workin on the car the other afternoon when this pretty little gal saunters up outta just about nowhere. She sat down and she looked like she had somethin there on her mind so I says I say now darlin' you look like you got somethin to say. So she revolutes her eyes around a bit and says she say Duke...now, now Duke...I don know, sometimes I have time to think that there just might be somethin the wrawwwwng with you. Said it just like that drawd out tha wrawwwwwwng. So I pauses and thinks a minute about that and I say I says well now darlin' that may just be but, just for now, I do believe I'm just gonna let history to decide on that. Now, hear what the Duke says. Some folk'll put you in a box sure as money don't grow on trees, and it's up to YOU as to whether or not they get away with it. Duke out.

A sinus-induced REVELATION

SCIENCE teaches us that there are two electrodes in the flow of electric current, namely, anode and the cathode. Yet after much thought and not a few merry giggles I concede that there is yet another. I have overdubbed this phenomenal discovery as the Zenode, the applications for which are sure to astound even the most innocent of bystanders. In your picture tube, for insistence, there is a beam of electrons forming a cathode ray which stimulates a phosphorescent screen after passing by the anode plate. This very predicament has entertained seventy people for over millions of years. However, I consent that the induction of a Zenode will allow the viewer to see in THREE DIMENSIONS, plus, he or she will be able to smell. It. Smell it. The person will be able to smell it. I say. So I welcome your confounded curiosity into this most appraising development and I am certain that it will vastly enthrall the lives of many lives. Thank you for this message.

File under E-EDUTAINMENT.