three funerals and a wedding

'98

The affable Irish Realtor
So spry and energetic even into his 70s
Falls suddenly ill mid-summer
And passes at a big city hospital

I left during visitation there in her home town
Big meeting in Cinci first thing tomorrow
New client, could be a big break

As I pass the corporation sign of that little county seat
The bright skies seem wide open and inviting

Couldn't help but weigh it out in my mind
Well, we're not married
So what to do?

'99

On the way back from a camping trip
We stopped in on her other grandparents
Who treated us to a quaint little country inn
Wonderful homestyle cooking

Something resonates in their smiles
A watchful reassurance with the sunny breeze outside
Celebrating life with each leaf and blade it kisses

Just like it had on our graduation day
As we sat in the park

How it made me wonder

Funny how it is sometimes
She only learns of my plans
Through hints and gleanings

Pressing questions

Seems only moments after we drove away
We return for another wake
At a rural parish in the stagnant heat

I stayed as long as I could then left with a headache
Funny how it cleared up the moment I drove off

And as I neared my parents' house
I'll never forget that raincloud
Somehow burning with light
Like the sun itself

At least I made it back for the funeral
Complete with graveside taps and rifles
Uniting me emotionally with her family
One last time

Heh
My goals...
How I barely understood them myself

The Christmas photos that year
Tell a tale on our faces

So the very next day
She'd finally stood on her feet
Demanding an answer
That I could not give

We brought it on ourselves

The creature we had become
Could neither live or die on its own
Embracing someone yet parsecs apart
Gasping tear-soaked euthanasia

Then I drove to my house far away

Funny how even an earnest love
Can be so misplaced

And some hearts
You never can tame

'01

By no coincidence I am certain
My travels bring me through
That little town

As she was up north in her new place
Just weeks from marrying her new guy

And the rain o'er just my eyes
Signpost to signpost
Brings it to close.

Cold dark starry sky above and ahead
Yet it still tells me

It knows

definition of a girl

"Don't you look at me, boy. You're bad. I don't even know you but you're VERY bad. You better go away. And don't talk to me. What's your name?"

nobody's baby

smile at me

i'll turn away

give me candy

see it smash the floor

kiss me

if you want a raspberry in your ear

massage these teething gums

consider yourself bit

change my diaper

but be sure to close your mouth...

give me a puppy

you know i'll pull its tail

bring other kids to play with

heh, these toys are all mine

let your best friend hold me

dare me to whitewash her new outfit

hold me while you read to me

don't even think you'll get through one sentence

you can smack my hand if i reach for something bad

and, well, i guess i'll just deal with it

but

just between you and me

if you do all that stuff anyway

you'll own me

chroot jail

you are who you say
as far as you know

entire conscious life
like witness protection

phantom footprint

incarceration
usually protects
those outside

force field fishbowl

girls play house
boys just play

twist of phase

believing is seeing
even if they find you
wish them godspeed

so tempted to long
for less importance

rhythms of life
desks to pews
meals and adventures

fevered pursuit
chasing home

over horizon
past land and sea
then sky

wide open
never vacuous

space