Here We Go! (A collection of drivel...)

"Well you're built like a car; got a hubcap diamond-stud halo; you're dirty and sweet oh yeah…"

-T. Rex, 1971

She is a pitch black/clearcoat '71 Torino, Big Blue 429-4 Speed, bored and all Ford.

She is a modern day reminiscent of Eve, Delilah, and Cleopatra.

She is only 5'4 but her attitude is larger than life. It opens the door for her six feet ahead.

She is all of it, all the time.

She is an electric eel.

She is 100,000 watts radial, full FM Stereo.

She is a 200-ton nitro blast.

She is Hoover Dam tied in with Three Mile Island.

She is a Tony Iommi riff.

She is a wound, which takes months, years to heal.

She is Sigmund Freud's wet dream.

She gets what she wants but doesn't really want it.

She seeks something different from you, which the others never offer. Giving it to her will ensure your survival.

She seeks amusement. Constantly.

She is untouchable in the place you really want to reach: Inside.

She can be everything to some and nothing to others, but they are all intrigued by her just the same.

She seems to have never been born, just evolved over the centuries, as if she helped Hannibal get those elephants through the Alps.

She is a good friend until you really get under her skin.

She is a dove on the outside, an owl within.

She is a computer virus, taking over the mainframe and rendering it useless.

She is unpredictable in one sense: You can usually judge when, but certainly not what.

She makes you think but then won't let you.

She makes you whine hopelessly about her on paper and through cassette tapes.

She is difficult to impress. It's a great feeling to have her laugh at your jokes or antics; it doesn't happen often.

She sends all your meters into the red zone.

Don't assume she is not watching you at all times, her radar is fully dynamic, 360^o rotational.

Don't assume she forgets anything, her memory is superior to all.

Don't assume she does not have some kind of feelings for you, either, her heart is continually active.

Her transmitter is always on even though she may not be broadcasting at the time.

You are never quite sure how you feel about her, and whether or not it is safe and/or practical to act on your feelings.

You don't tell her anything. You convince her.

Quit

Painstakingly as he constructs his own home,
An ant’s persistence is hard to believe

Seems that man’s forces cannot start to stop him
Crumb by crumb by crumb by crumb’ one at a time until he’s done.

He don’t know how to quit.

And in every day life we tend to give up
If the going gets a little too tough.

We could all stand a lesson from these little guys
Whom we always make pulp of beneath our feet.

We don’t post to quit.

The Loner

If given a nickel
For every time
I’ve kissed a girl
I’d have a dime

And for every time
I’ve told a good joke
If given a dime
You know I’d be broke.

So I sit here all day
Giving no one a clue
To the person I am
What I think, what I do.

Folks don’t talk to me much
And for that I am glad
Because I am The Loner
And my life may seem sad.

But I am happy inside
And that’s all that matters
I know how to cope
With life’s landslides and ladders.

If my thoughts were of metal
They would weigh a ton
For I use my mind
To get things done.

Though shut off from the world
I’m content with my way
And by God’s loving grace
This way I’ll stay

The Green Blotch Mystery

Once in a small New England town that was built along side a river, a boy of 14 named Don decided to investigate something that had been taking place for the previous week. It seemed that every morning when he when outside of his morning stretch just before dawn, he could see a greenish glow on the bank across the river. It would change its shape daily and one time a part of it seemed ot get up and walk away. Don knew that he couldn't tell just anybody about his observations but he soon had the chance to tell just the right person.

One Saturday morning as he was on his weekly jog around the neighborhood, Don passed a girl that he knew sitting on her front porch. Her name was Karen, and she was a fox. Much to his surprise she called him over.

"Hi!" She said.

"How you doin'?" Don asked as he sat down beside her.

Karen asked, "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How come I always see you standing outside when I look out the window every morning?"

"I am just getting a breath of fresh air. Hey, how come you were looking out towards my house?" he asked sarcastically.

"Strangest thing," she replied, "I just happened to look out about a week ago and noticed this...this...greenish blotch of some kind that glowed light a Moonlighter Frisbee and it - you didn't see it did you?"

"I sure did, " Don said, "I was just about to mention it when..."

"Do you think we should check it out?" Karen interrupted.

"Sure, why not."

"Great, but how are we going to cross the river?"

"Simple. all we have to do is sneak out after dark tonight and I'll get Dad's fishing raft out of the garage," he said with a smile.

"That sounds cool, but what time?" she asked.

"Be at my back door at ten."

"Okay."

"Just be sure to dress warm," Don warned.

"I will," Karen smiled. Don was thinking how cute she looked in her braces.

"Well, I'll see you tonight."

"Yeah, later."

After he had gathered all of this things, he crept outside to find Karen waiting for him with her golden blonde [sic] hair shining in the moonlight. He felt strange in the pit of his stomach as he approached her.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Uh-huh," she answered.

"Are you warm enough?"

"I should be, I only wore three pairs of sweats."

"That ought to do it," he said with a chuckle. "C'mon."

They walked over to the riverbank, inflated the raft and got in. The ride over was easy, but they would have to walk a ways to get to the "green blotch".

"Well, we're almost there, " Don informed, "it should be just over this...SHH! I just heard a noise!"

"I just heard it too!" Karen whispered.

"Scared?" asked Don.

"Yeah. Will you hold my hand?"

"Here, let's crawl up there and take a look at it, whatever it is."

The noise sounded again, and as they got closer and closer to the top of the hill it became louder and louder when...suddenly, a small fuzzy ball of green light shot over the top of the hill and sacross Karen's back, causing her to let out piercing scream. She didn't waste much time getting back to the boat, and neither did Don. They had to paddle vigorously due to the currents, but they made it over eventually.

The next day, Don asked his dad what caused the green spot. He explained that it was a patch of phosphors which glow in the dark when a light has been shined [sic] on them. The squirrel had wallowed in it and so it also glowed. As for Karen, Don talked with her all afternoon and by the end of they day, they were going together.

Three Average Men

Three average men once sat in a room;

They were all very bored, one could tell by the gloom

So one of them opted to take the chance;

The very chance that he may mess his pants!

He lifted his leg and they shout “Don’t you dare!”

Before bolting outside while gasping for air

The group came back in, and the odor remained;

Our hero was sore ‘cause his breeches were stained

Then right through the door the fellow was hurled

‘Cause he’d just ripped a blast that was heard ‘round the world!

There Was an Old Man of Hardin

There was an old man of Hardin
Who was picking beets from his garden
He dropped a huge beet
On his poor aching feet
And he left without saying "Pardon."