Thursday, July 9, 1998

Party Theme Suggestion

Let's hold our next social function on a farm. In addition, we should create a video documentary of the event then make a copy available to all associates as a reminder of our festive spirit. However, if this concept is approached creatively, it could also serve as a fresh angle for distributing company information. The tape should be titled "Cee-Cee Haw '98" and it would go something like this:

Start with an extreme close-up of April wearing a straw hat shouting "Howwwww-DEEEE!"

The festivities begin in a barn complete with hay bails and a band stand. With everyone else sitting around on the hay, Deckler picks the banjo while Rye jigs. We all clap.

In the first skit, Mark "Goodall Boy" hosts a hardware fixit shop segment where he, Bill Hammett and Steve Jones stand around talking about dem dern computers and dadgum aggravatin' wimmin'.

Empty Packet Hotel with Art Krumsee manning a tech support desk taking ridiculous user calls to which we only hear his side...

As a harmonica plays slowly in the background, five of our most notorious characters lie around the yard with hats over their heads and brilliantly spin their technical conversation into a side-splitting comedy routine. Someone gets hit with their own hat at the end of it all.

Back to the barn with Pickin & Grinnin' featuring the P&G team.

Chas, Kuder, and Julie at the clothesline singing now you'd never hear one of us repeating announcements, so you'd better be sure and listen close the first time...they continue on to inform us of corporate news bulletins, vendor service offerings, and training opportunities all with a catchy rhyme.

We need Zena (with two teeth blackened out and hair in curlers) and Raiter (unshaven and dressed in rags) to sit around the kitchen whimsically quarreling like a bitter old married couple. Although it looks quite painful, the final stunt is well rehearsed and Chris is not at all injured.

Rye sitting on the front porch in suspenders (The Panama Jack outfit is out at Jaguar Cleaners).
We all shout "What's on the COE, Grandpa?"
He replies: "Black-eyed MCP's, cornbread muffin fans, country fried motherboards, a bowl of chicken SEWP, a side of crispy kuders, a cherry-red pie chart, and a cup of JAVA!"
The reply in unison: "Yummmm-yum!"

Next, Lori Lou the southern-belle d├ębutante sits on the porch swing and complains about Billy Bob and Bobby Joe fighting over her all time. "What's a girl to do?" she sighs.

Then send everyone out to the corn field and encourage them to pop up randomly and make corny jokes.

As a feature treat, the PMT All-Jug Band performs their trademark theme song from the front porch, complete with an infamous slide-whistle scene that ends up getting cut from the take-home version of the tape. Still, "Marty Pearl" could lead the group donning a purdy hat with the price tag dangling from one side. She starts it off by crowing "WE'RE GONNA PLAY NOW!"

We'll have Brad back as the guest star. He gets to stand holding a rake by the fence with Gary Lester and sing "...you went to Flaridy and PPPPPTTT you were gone!" Then Brad makes a corny joke after which a nearby fence board swings up and swats him in the behind.

Gickler, in a straw hat and overalls, runs a used hardware shop. With the most nasal twang imaginable he stands out front and urges the audience to email him at BR549 for the best double-dang deals around.

Finally, the Leadership Team Quartet joins in for a solemn moment to sing a hymn.

At the close of the video documentary the camera pans to a wall with a little door. Office girl peeks out and says "That's All!".

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This has been an in-the-sticks collaborative party theme suggestion by Mitch and Mike.

Tuesday, January 13, 1998

Top Ten Kickoff Kapers

UNHINGED PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS

From the home office in Mobile, Alabama...

Top Ten Ways to Express Your Individuality at Kickoff '98!!

10. Administer thorough "clip-on checks" to all males as they enter.
9. Secretly hand out laser pointers. Use them on overhead screen and speaker's forehead.
8. Jump up on table, rip off shirt, and scream "BRING IN THE VIRGINS!!"
7. Verify various numeric pager listings with cell phone.
6. Start singing "Your Cheatin' Heart". By yourself. Off key. Loudly. With a twang.
5. Raise hand and ask permission to use restroom. If denied, throw tantrum.
4. Try to start The Wave.
3. Perform juggling act at back of room. Pass around hat for tips.
2. Using fish line rigged above ceiling, dangle toy spider in front of screen when speaker looks away.

AAAAAAAANNND the number one way to really express yourself...

1. Randomly shout "You GO, girl!!"

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This has been yet another in your face collaborative calamity by the right on Mitch Ross and the more on Mike Samons.
Veddy eentedestingk. But schtooopid.