Top Ten Kickoff Kapers

UNHINGED PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS

From the home office in Mobile, Alabama...

Top Ten Ways to Express Your Individuality at Kickoff '98!!

10. Administer thorough "clip-on checks" to all males as they enter.
9. Secretly hand out laser pointers. Use them on overhead screen and speaker's forehead.
8. Jump up on table, rip off shirt, and scream "BRING IN THE VIRGINS!!"
7. Verify various numeric pager listings with cell phone.
6. Start singing "Your Cheatin' Heart". By yourself. Off key. Loudly. With a twang.
5. Raise hand and ask permission to use restroom. If denied, throw tantrum.
4. Try to start The Wave.
3. Perform juggling act at back of room. Pass around hat for tips.
2. Using fish line rigged above ceiling, dangle toy spider in front of screen when speaker looks away.

AAAAAAAANNND the number one way to really express yourself...

1. Randomly shout "You GO, girl!!"

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This has been yet another in your face collaborative calamity by the right on Mitch Ross and the more on Mike Samons.
Veddy eentedestingk. But schtooopid.